4 Options When People Hurt You

November 16, 2012
By
heartbreak.
Ever been hurt (or just pissed off)? Of course you have.  So what do you do about that?  These are four strategies I have been given by people I respect and love:
  1. The whole walk-a-mile-in-their-shoes thing.  Research shows that most people are dwelling in a place of immediate pressure and need.  Try to understand their “present.”  Can you subtract Self in order to add to Other?  Maybe you’re seeing the bigger picture, but maybe they are only seeing the here and now?
  2. They might need new glasses.  Or maybe you do.  Similar to number one, but critically different, ask yourself, “Can I find a way to see it from their perspective, or to understand the pressures they are experiencing?”  YES, the opposite is likely possible and true (i.e. “Can’t they see MY point of view?”).  So who is going to step up? Them? You?  Or is this the end of something you once cherished—simply because you couldn’t put on new glasses?
  3. The whole mountain-out-of-a-molehill thing.  We too often obsess about that which doesn’t really matter.  Period.
  4. Forgive.  It is likely that they are just plain wrong.  So what?  And what does that mean?  The choice is yours.  Resent?  Or?

Perhaps the most beautiful part of this human experience is the opportunity not to get caught-up in the trivial, but to rise-up to the meaningful.

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4 Responses to 4 Options When People Hurt You

  1. Sharon
    November 16, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    This article is a winner hoping many take the time to read. Hurts and misundersandings will always be part of life they don’t control us rather we respond positively because we know who we are.

    • November 16, 2012 at 10:25 pm

      “[B]ecause we know who we are.” Sharon, that, for me, is the greatest genius piece of this. Thank you. Self- knowledge and -understanding… I hope to have these tools as I encounter all that life might give me. I have always treasured your wisdom, and I thank you for this additional word.

  2. November 17, 2012 at 11:01 am

    Although I am seeking an education in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, much of our discussions in class revolve around diagnosis, practice, ethics, and standards. However, at the core of every malady of the soul is a hurt.

    I believe that every pain has four components. These are fear, anger, regret, & sorrow. Finding the keys that heal the aspects of pain is a part of healing. As a child, I suffered from trauma. For this reason, I had many years to experience pain and healing.

    In childhood, we are all born resilient. We all have joyful characteristics to help us be strong. The journey of reclaiming innocence, passion, contentment, and rapture are not only signs of healing, but of awakening from slumber.

    In your blog, you speak to forgiveness, empathy, compassion, and understanding. These are all essential to such an awakening and recovering from hurt.

    The Awakening

    Innocence softly lies subtly in the soul
    Cushioned by security for faith in the unknown
    Its hands reach out trustingly
    Its eyes are open wide
    Its smile welcomes warmly
    Incognizant of the things men fear
    The fairy tale’s lie

    Passion’s determination struggles in the soul
    It strikes the rules that keep its hold
    Denying not its strength
    It fights against oblivion
    End its illusive grasp
    It lives not by men’s past regrets
    For it is do or die

    Contentment is the soul at ease
    Breathes deeply with a sigh
    Its lips a sweet crescent
    Giggles when it should cry
    It harbors not a bitter grudge
    Nor the anger that consume men
    Absolution here does hide

    Rapture is the soul at play
    It joys in those things small
    Delights in that which one can hold
    And chases dreams that men have told
    It finds laughter in the simple
    For men sorrow not there
    Some place, some time, some where

    By Ruthie Inacay

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Nathaniel is CEO of AidChild.org. He holds a Master's Degree in Human Development and Psychology from Harvard University where he was a Reynolds Fellow in Social Entrepreneurship, and winner of the 2010 Harvard HDP Marshal Award. He also holds a PhD in Leadership Studies from the University of San Diego where he was the Dammeyer Fellow in Global Education Leadership, and a Cordes Fellow at Opportunity Collaboration. Nathaniel is author of "We Are Not Mahogany: Three stories about the male African life." Prior to his move to Uganda in 2000, Nathaniel was Deputy Director of the Office of the Governor of Arizona, and Director of Education at Leadership, Inc.

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